He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
