We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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