he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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