Jerry, you need to find god
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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