I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
