At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
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My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
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If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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