the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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