I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
