When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
