i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
