I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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