one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
