I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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