I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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