if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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