Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
