Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
