Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
