whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just had sex on a roof
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
