Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
