i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
