last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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