So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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