Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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