You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
