it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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