Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
