Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
