Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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