Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
