at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
