margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
