I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
