This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
