went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
