There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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