I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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