so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE