Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
