i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
