dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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