Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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