omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
