This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He has the fingertips of a God
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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