I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
