i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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