Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
