Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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