Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
