we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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