Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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