A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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