i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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