i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
