I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
