im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I didn't notice because vodka
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
