It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
