His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
