I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize