we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
