I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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