It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
