I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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