Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
