my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wear drunk well.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
