Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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