My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
