yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
how do flat chested girls get laid?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
