did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
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I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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