last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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