No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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