I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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