he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
