I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
