And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize